From Kathie Lee Gifford, beloved television host and bestselling author of I Can’t Believe I Said That, comes a funny, candid, and personal collection of essays

This smart and witty collection of opinions, observations, and anecdotes covers a broad range of personal topics. Kathie Lee Gifford’s stories are often funny, sometimes heartfelt, and always compelling—think Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck meets Carol Burnett.

No subject is off-limits: talking to her kids about sex, being married to Frank Gifford, embarrassing professional gaffes, run-ins with celebrities (of which there are many), the harsh and funny realities of aging. It’s all here, told with intelligence, grace, and comedic wit. Written by Gifford’s own hand, this highly original and readable volume will make you laugh out loud as you reach for the phone to share one of these charming, quirky, and colorful observations.


From the Hardcover edition.

Eggspectations


Since the beginning of time the same question has been asked over and over again: What came first? The chicken or the egg? Well, I'm happy to say that I finally have the answer.

It's neither. The chicken's mother came first.

That's right. The mother dropped an egg and the first chicken was hatched.

And that's what we chicks have been doing ever since.

So, if you're reading this, I have obviously not dropped my last egg yet.

Oh, sure, I dropped my last reproductive egg a few years ago. But my fertility eggs? Fuhgidaboutit.

I'm Fertile Myrtle now. I'm back to a daily grind on the Today show after an eight-year hiatus from television, I'm producing my fourth musical for the theater, I'm in development for two screenplays to be made into films, I'm halfway through writing my first novel, and I'm under deadline to finish this book by Christmas.

In other words, forget about a pig in mud. I'm more like a pregnant pig in placenta!

I share none of this information in a bragging way--on the contrary, I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that I still find joy and wonder and inspiration and challenge each day that I want to encourage everybody else to understand that the same sense of creative fertility is possible for them.

For years our society has perpetrated the perverse notion that once nature is done with us--especially women--we're done, too! "ONLY THOSE WHO OVULATE ALLOWED!" But it's a lie, and we don't have to cooperate with it. Who says we have to hoist our beefy carcass onto the gurney and disappear into the sunset? Not me. Because you know when we're really done? When we drop dead, that's when. And even then it's a whole different discussion about where we go from there.

But until that day comes, I believe we can experience creativity far beyond our wildest expectations. We can give birth daily to something beautiful and meaningful in ways we've never dreamed. Because when we're older, we are free from raising young kids, building careers, and managing households, all the while battling Midol headaches. I don't bloat anymore! Now it's just fat, but that's another essay. Think how much money we're all saving because we bypass the feminine hygiene shelves at the drugstore. Okay, you argue, but what about all the hormone replacement stuff and edamame we need now?

You're right, nothing's perfect. But that's really my point. Our lives stopped being perfect the moment we slipped out of the womb and got our heinies smacked.

Right then we should have realized that those days of sloshing around safe and sound in that amniotic fluid without a care in the world were over.

But, no. Then society started reinforcing that other ridiculous lie: that "happily ever after" crap.

We'd no sooner finish reading those fairy tale books when we'd start dreaming of our own Prince Charming, riding up on his Harley and carrying us away.

Oh, he rode up and carried us away all right. To a life of cooking, cleaning, birthing, and diapers. But we didn't mind, did we? We were doing what we were created to do AT THAT TIME in our lives.

But none of the books we were encouraged to read ever mentioned that Prince Charming might end up being a jerk or a lousy provider or even, unfortunately for some, gay, which is indeed problematic in a traditional marriage.

So even if he was a sweet, loving, hardworking heterosexual prince, chances are his breath stunk, or he was a slob, or he ate too much or developed hair in weird places or liked to play with his putter more than he liked to play with his wife. And if we women are really honest, we might even admit that we were...

 

"From her head down to her gnarly (no longer!) toes, Kathie Lee is pure dame. And she's served up a cocktail of wit and wisdom with a decidedly salty rim!"

 

"I've been through a couple of calamities with Kathie Lee and nobody handles them better. You could blow her up, cook her and hang her out to dry and she will still survive and have some laughs doing it."

 

"Kathie Lee has always entertained me with her humor, wry wit, and penchant for pinpointing all of our very human foibles with great accuracy and hilarity. Now she does it again. This charming memoir filled with amusing anecdotes about herself and her family, friends, and colleagues brought a smile to my face but also touched me. Her insight is as remarkable as she is."

 

Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg by Kathie Lee Gifford
Continue Browsing		View Wish List